Junk Drawer

Oh dear. I feel a reflective mood coming on. Watch out! I don't think there's going to be any real theme here, love… just… some assorted random thoughts…

First of all, I love how I wrote that I write sexy letters to turn you on, and yet the very last one I wrote was a fantasy about you masturbating.

Ok. Fine. That one was for me. And any others like it. The rest are for you.

That said, if I discovered that you had written such things about me… Well. Like I've said, just about everything you do turns me on, soooooo. But I'm not quite sure I'm wired quite right, so I probably shouldn't project such things onto you.

And might as well get this out of the way since I'm on the topic of sex… I know I've said this before, but I just really want to emphasize that, as much as I like to write about it, actual sex with you matters so much less to me than my love for you. I know both of our bodies are aging (not that anyone would know it by sight, not of you at any rate…). I have no way to know how that's affecting you. Well, I'll just say that you will never disappoint me. And I would never ask of you more than you want to give. I've said this, too, but… I would rather get to talk to you every single day for the rest of my life and not get to touch you ever at all than the other way around. It's that beautiful heart, amazing mind, and kind soul that draw me to you so very, very thoroughly…

The rest is just a bonus.

I was also looking back over my letters for the past month or two… And, man… I wrote you a lot in July.

I know you haven't found me, despite all of the little hints you've dropped to let me know that you have… But, if you had… I do wonder what you would think about that. About the sheer quantity. It's a bit much. It's a bit… obsessive. Gosh. I hope you wouldn't be bothered by it, but I could see how it might be upsetting…

And I sometimes get so self-conscious about… all of it. Not just how obsessive I probably come off as. About whether you'd even like the things I write or not. About accidentally pushing on the wrong buttons or just saying the wrong things. About my timing being off, like maybe trying to get you in the mood while unpleasant things are happening in your life. About, just… all of it.

I'm not sure I see the flood stopping anytime soon, though… I only ever fall more deeply in love with you. And until one or both of us breaks down and finally sticks a whole foot over that line… It's my only real outlet. I'm full to bursting with love for you. Whenever I try to hold it in, try to not express it… It hurts. I have to. I have to let it out in these silly little things…

Of course, maybe I would have broken down already, ages ago, if I didn't. And I wonder where we might be now if I had? Well. No sense lingering on the “what could have beens”. The answer probably wouldn't make me happy, anyways.

Anyhow.

I don't guess there's much else this morning… I haven't gotten to talk to you about that thing that's happening, sadly… but, things are looking up. Much better than expected, after the initial shock. I'll be flying solo until Monday night, and I have to admit that I have been enjoying it.

And it's only one more week until I know I'll get to spend time with you again!

I know I've said this before, but seriously… that show is going to be interesting. I've wanted to go to a concert with you since forever, but for it to be this concert… I know the music is humorous, but it's also… lol. Well. You know. Anyways, I can't wait! I can't ever wait to get to see you…

Well, if I'm not lucky enough to see you before then, my love… I hope you have a lovely week.

Yours, always,
♒️